Same as it ever was

1_bd6489f7-9ba9-4190-9f54-3531a6198996Endings and beginnings are good places to make change. But I, like many others I know, don’t seem to be able to make it stick. It may be a rut. It may be laziness. It may be fear. There are many things that keep change from taking hold and transforming a mundane, hurried life into bliss. Because that is what would happen, right?

Lately I’ve been telling people that “I’ll have time to breathe in the new year.” (By “new year” I finally mean January 1st instead of whatever day the new school year begins.) Two major uses of my time this fall will be wrapping up during December, and I naively imagine that I’ll have space in my schedule to relax, stretch, sip instead of gulp my coffee, and maybe even make it to the gym.

My husband knows better. When I expressed my anticipation of a more relaxed 2016 to him, he (rightly) answered, “You’ll find other projects to fill up your time.” I denied it in a knee-jerk defense, but later I had to admit that my future will probably reflect my history.

I have to wonder what I like, however reluctantly, about being pulled every which way with work and family and obligations and volunteering and life. I have the nagging suspicion that it has more to do with a fear of sloth than a desire to be accomplished.

And sure enough, with just a month to go in two different projects, I’ve already found another to fill the space left behind.



About That Unique* Weblog

Adjusting to car culture, dealing with leaving a career I loved, and spouting off along the way. Do The Most Good.
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15 Responses to Same as it ever was

  1. You know I fully relate to this.

  2. Jennifer G. Knoblock says:

    I loved this line especially: ” I had to admit that my future will probably reflect my history.” And this one definitely resonated with me: “I have the nagging suspicion that it has more to do with a fear of sloth than a desire to be accomplished.”

  3. I know people like that. Family or friends. Always busy busy go go go. If I see them sitting down or they answer that they are between projects, I wonder if they are feeling physically sick from the compression of stress. My mom only ever sat down when her body said she wasn’t getting up today.

  4. innatejames says:

    Fear of sloth. I relate to that. It just never seems to be enough, does it? There are always more things to do. There’s a comfort to be taken from that, I think.

  5. Marcy says:

    I relate to this so much too. I take on things voluntarily, and then wish I had unstructured time. Then, when I have unstructured time, I can catch myself wishing I had stuff to do.

  6. Arden Ruth says:

    Oh this sounds familiar… I try to force myself to slow down each year, but it never seems to happen. There’s just so much to be done!!

  7. Especially resonated with the first line, about struggling to make change stick, being stuck in a rut.

  8. Kay says:

    Ah the new year – every gym’s most profitable time! I know the feeling that downtime, as enjoyable as it is, could be put to better use with another project. I’ve been trying really hard over the past several months though to protect some free time and not give in to other engagements because that time is so important. Obviously accepting downtime is easier said than done when you’re so used to being stretched thin, but it is so worth it. I hope you get some!

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