Today, at a kiddie birthday party, a friend and I watched groups of kids playing arcade games — one of which was a hunting game fully equipped with two colorful rifles and the other of which was a pinball game with sexy ladies depicted playing billiards. I said to this friend, “I’m glad my kids chose boobs over guns.” And I am. Boobs are so much cooler than guns.
F*ck Yeah! Liza Minelli has Nipples!
Not that you’d know that from watching the Oscars. Or should I say — The #Oscars. Because I didn’t watch the pre-show, and then I was distracted by The Walking Dead until 10 PM Eastern, I missed them, but Gawker made sure everyone else noticed LIZA MINELLI’S NIPPLES!
Now, last year it was Anne Hathaway’s nipples, and this year it’s Liza Minelli’s. Are nipples really so scary, people? I mean, the boobs at these things are already taped into place for cleavage, taped to dresses to avoid slippage, stuffed to appear bigger, strapped in to appear rounder, perked up to appear nubile (but not overly fertile), and taped over to hide the super-scary nipple. Is this why Barbie doesn’t have any nipples?
Sure, Liza could have worn a bra, but she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. And sure, Liza could have worn something padded or metal-plated (look at what Anne Hathaway wore to be SURE no one noticed her nips this year!), but she shouldn’t have to. She Should Not Have To. If you are afraid of nipples, avert your eyeballs!
And by the way snarksters. It’s comments about how crappy someone looks because of work she’s had done that are part of the problem. Freaking hypocrites. Ugh.
Hey, people criticizing the way Kim Novak looked – you realize you’re the damn reason she’s done so much work to herself, right…?
— Steve Gelder (@SteveGelder) March 3, 2014
Oh, and the photo of Liza, talented, amazing, legendary Liza, is from Gawker’s website.
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Revelation moment: just realizing Barbie didn’t have nipples. `Cause I’m slow like that.
She doesn’t have pubic hair either, but I edited that out. 😉
Seriously, thank you for this post. Boobs are body parts, why are they manipulated and contorted like balloon animals for fashion points? I fell victim to this in my younger years, but after 3 consecutive years of nursing I decided that they poor things just deserved a nice retirement home with lush breathable walls and support at work, and the freedom to flop at will at home. We don’t make men pose their penises into shapes for our general bemusement and judgement on the runway, why in the world did boobs get put into that punishing role?
Oh my goodness. Now I have balloon animals to think about for the rest of the day! haha!
I will now look forward to your Oscars Nipple coverage as an annual thing, because you know there isn’t going to be a year when there’s not going to be something.
I know, right? And they always pick on someone I really like!
Woo hoo, I’ve finally managed to throw the kind of party that helps prompt a blog post about boobs! My life is complete. At least until the next party.
Guns, boobs, balls, golf. I didn’t mention the balls or golf though. I should have.
Eugene’s Inequality: boobs > balls > golf > guns.
So true Kristin! I didn’t watch it either, in part because I didn’t see ANY of the movies. So thanks for the nip review. I feel all caught up now 😉
I’m so happy I could support you in this venture. 🙂