I Have a Mansion, Cleavage, and a Pool (according to the catalogues I get)

Something I didn’t expect when I became a homeowner at 40 was the amount of mail I would get.  Specifically, the amount of unsolicited catalogues we’d get stuffed into our door’s mail slot.  Some days three or four would cry out to my credit card.  You need new pool deck chairs!  You need furniture for your library!  You need a whole new bedroom set for your guests!  Never mind that we don’t have a pool or a library.  We do get guests, but they don’t need a dresser just yet.

And because my husband and I have different last names, we’d often get two of the same catalogue – and they send slightly updated versions of the same items sometimes twice in one month.  Who do they think we are?  And what sort of property do they think we have here at home?

Sure, having an outdoor seating space like the one to the left would be amazing. But it would take up more than half of our backyard.  Still, it looks nice, doesn’t it?  It’s the siren song of outdoor space, especially for those of us not used to having outdoor space of our own.

This outdoor seating area on the right is even more cushy.  And do you see the pool in the background?  I mean, I could totally get used to that.  Lounging around with a book (or catalogue?) and a margarita on the rocks (with salt) is my ideal for a slightly too warm afternoon.  Ironically, the furniture to the right is called the metropolitan collection – now that I’m in the suburbs, they want me to be more metropolitan.  Sigh.

Despite the temptation of living a fantasy life through these catalogues, I’ve been dutiful logging on at Catalog Choice to opt out of receiving those I don’t want.  Companies that are very good about halting delivery are places like Popcorn Factory, LL Bean, Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, Ballard Designs, and some others.  Front Gate and its affiliates were a little slower, but they eventually stopped. [They have returned with bells on!] What I’ve noticed, however, is that more obscure catalogues have started showing up.  I have to wonder if these are shadows of the other companies – especially ones like Front Gate and Ballard Designs.

Anyway, if you are tired of receiving loads of catalogues, go to Catalog Choice to tell the companies to stop sending them.  You can always receive emails instead.  Make sure, if you order something, that you let them know you do not need catalogues to appreciate their products.

Just yesterday, I received a catalogue from Boston Proper.  Actually, it was in my husband’s name.  Perhaps she is the type of woman they think HE has at home?  😉


About That Unique* Weblog

Adjusting to car culture, dealing with leaving a career I loved, and spouting off along the way. #RESIST
This entry was posted in People do silly things, Suburban Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I Have a Mansion, Cleavage, and a Pool (according to the catalogues I get)

  1. anna says:

    we get so many catalogues too – but while we can opt out of those what i cant stand is the new homeowners phone list must go out to every single telemarketer on the planet and we get called 5 to 10 times A DAY usually right after i put my kid to sleep. and yes, he wakes up.

    and no, i’m still on their lists despite being on the do-not-call list.

  2. well, i know this post is a year old, but whatever. all i have to say is that the woman on the cover of that catalog is NOT from Boston and is probably not at all proper. She’s a total floozy & probably from somewhere like…whoops, I was going to say New Jersey, but I won’t. How about Delaware? Yeah. she’s from Delaware. Tramp.
    : )

  3. nlikes says:

    I came for the cleavage. Yup. That’s just how I roll.

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