Call to Action for Gun Violence Prevention: Not Fade Away

Moms (and Dads and Kids!) Demand Action in DC. Where does the shy lady end up in the photo?

Thursday morning, as I sat on the 6:15 AM train from Newark to D.C., I wondered what the heck I was doing. Why would I spend money and time and ditch work and family just to bear witness to a press conference that I could probably see and hear better on CSPAN? And then I remembered what my husband had told me the night before as I waffled about going thanks to my son’s 100.1 degree temperature. “You have to go. When will you ever get a chance like this again?” And then there was the fact that advocating for common sense gun legislation has become much more than a volunteer pastime over the last few months. So there I sat, hungry and tired and wearing too-tight shoes, on my way to breathe the same White House air as President Obama and to represent New Jersey’s chapter of Moms Demand Action to our nation’s capital.

And once I got there, I remembered that it wasn’t about me at all. I mean, it was – I had to go through four different security check points and I just had to take photos of myself in the East Room hallway and the ladies lounge with a Jackie Kennedy portrait – but it really was about the families. Victims of gun violence in wheelchairs and using canes (we don’t talk about them too often, do we?), fathers with downturned mouths when I asked why they were there, mothers who had lost their children just over a month ago or three months ago or six years ago or almost 20 years ago – with the grief was still visibly present. Still bubbling. Still overwhelming.

Katerina, from Moms Demand Action, introduces the President and Vice President

And there it is. There is what President Obama was trying to get those of us lucky ones to remember with his speech.  The grief and loss of a parent who has lost a child – whether that child is six years old or 14 years old or 32 years old – that grief never goes away.  It could be any one of us some day. And to have such senseless loss caused by something preventable (Oh no? It’s not? Compare the USA to other countries, why don’t you.) is unconscionable. If we can do anything to prevent even the slightest amount of more gun violence – whether they are suicides, unintentional shootings, homicides, the intimidation of guns in domestic situations, the stress brought on by living in a gun-friendly neighborhood or society – we must act before we say again and again, “This time it will be different.”

The President called on all of us to remind our elected members of Congress that we hadn’t forgotten what has happened in Newtown or Chicago or Aurora or Blacksburg or Newark  or Columbine or Tucson or my town or the myriad communities (pdf) in which tragedies involving gun violence occur every single day.

It’s going to take moms and dads, and hunters and sportsmen, and clergy and local officials like the mayors who are here today standing up and saying, this time really is different — that we’re not just going to sit back and wait until the next Newtown or the next Blacksburg or the next innocent, beautiful child who is gunned down in a playground in Chicago or Philadelphia or Los Angeles before we summon the will to act. (from the President’s speech)

Don’t wait to take action until you are “part of the club” the current members don’t want to see grow. Don’t wait until it’s “personal.” Make it personal today. Get angry today. Tomorrow. Every day. Act Now.

Easy ways to let your legislators know that it’s time for common sense gun regulation – these can be used EVERY DAY!

Fast Email to Congress. (Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense looks up your representatives for you!) – 90 Seconds, for real.

Sign a petition, get a FREE phone call to Congress, learn more – Demand Action.

Find your members of Congress – make an appointment, call, write, repeat - Find your contacts here.

I’ve made dozens of phone calls, and I STILL get nervous calling.  So does the woman in this video. Two things – 1) That’s totally okay. 2) The person to whom you’re speaking is probably an intern who is checking off a box on a sheet. Gun advocates are contacting legislators at a rate of 5 to 1 – FIVE to ONE! They are not the majority, but they are much more active. Take Action today and every day.

Sharing the good word on the yeah write moonshine grid.

Neither Absorbing nor Reflecting, Microwaves Pass Right Through

photo from flickr at snlsn (click for his photo stream)

I finally realized it had to do with the microwave. It took almost ten minutes of awkward phrases and uncomfortable squinting and confused pursing of lips, but I finally got it. “Mi’ja no has rotten lunch. You have wrong words at her.”

Prompted by a guilt I wasn’t sure I deserved, a lump filled my throat. I felt my chest prickle and redden.

Trapped between walls of condescension, I resisted the urge to defend myself against this mother’s fury. Hands on hips, then crossed over her chest, the angry mother glared up at me in defense of her daughter’s lunch. I didn’t have the words to explain the misunderstanding, and the fluent Spanish-speaking teacher wouldn’t be back to the Deans’ office for 45 minutes. My obvious discomfort equaled guilt in everyone’s eyes. I looked over at another teacher who just raised her eyebrows and looked away, relieved it was my turn.

Don’t put your hands on your hips, I hissed silently to myself. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t laugh it off. I had learned a few things in the years spent as a teacher in the NYC high schools. Rule #1: Don’t minimize anything; let people vent. And so I did.

Unable to resist, I explained, in half-formed sentences, that when I had wrinkled my nose and waved my hand in front of my face – it wasn’t about the smell of the roll. It was that the store-bought bun, wrapped in wax paper and folded into a brown bag, was crisping and toasting. It was an attempt to explain to a teenaged girl with special needs and a delicate ego that her lunch was burning in the microwave.

I should have followed Rule #1. My explanation didn’t matter. No amount of desperate, fumbling, self-deprecating apologies could explain away the girl’s hurt that had grown and twisted itself into a mother’s self-righteous anger over the last week. It didn’t matter that it had sprung from a misunderstanding. It didn’t matter that I had become nothing more than “that white lady” to this family. Some truths take time to emerge, and some never do.

I made a choice out of privilege that day, and it feels dirty to admit it. That mother needed to defend her daughter against me, and I should have just let her rail against an imagined slight. And then I should have apologized. Sometimes privilege means swallowing your pride.

This was just one time that working with scores of different nationalities and cultures and classes and languages and abilities put a notch in my ego. It was just one time that I learned that sometimes a shut mouth is the most effective form of communication – the best way to help. The best way to be a teacher. It was just one time that taught me that humility is truly a precious and awesome trait to nurture.

Linking up with the yeah write celebration – two years of supporting bloggers who write and writers who blog. Check it out and join us!

Springtime is for Chicks: Tee Time Giveaway

Congratulations STACY MOLTER! You will receive an adorable t-shirt from MyJoshu!

Update: Joshu just announced a half-price sale through next weekend. Use the code HALF when checking out. 

My friend Johari Fuentes is super-talented, and I’ve used and abused her talents for a variety of projects. She likes it. Or maybe she likes me a little. I don’t know. Anyway,  I’m feeling generous and I want to share her talents with all of you.

Besides her graphic designs and web designs and up-coming App designs, she also does t-shirt designs. Take a look at her Joshu Facebook Page — HERE! Cute right? I love that these shirts are unisex and non-commercial and creative.  They have also been featured on MomTrends, Barista Kids, and Random Handprints.

Now that spring has sprung – despite the slushy snow that keeps interrupted my frolicking – I want to give someone’s kid a t-shirt to frolic in as well.

I have one brand new 12 month (fits 9 months+) tee-shirt to giveaway to one person who comments on this post by TUESDAY. That’s March 26th, 2013. Yes! It’s a quickie!

Let me know which of the three designs you love most, and I will send it to you – maybe even in time for bright sunshiny fun next weekend!  It’s not necessary, but it would be highly appreciated if you would “like” the Joshu and/or Fizgig Facebook pages – you know, just to spread some virtual love. Also, a little birdie told me that there is a Joshu sale coming up soon – so you’ll want to stay in the loop. Get to it!

Being a Helper: Reminder from Mr. Rogers

Sometimes I need a reminder that there is all sorts of Good out there. Sometimes I need a reminder that we – me, you, us, them, everybody – are capable of being that Good out there. Really Good. Not the drop-two-dollars-instead-of-one into the busker’s case kind of Good, but the kind where you don’t do a sidelong glance to check that someone noticed kind of Good. Not the making-up-for-some-wrong kind of Good. Just doing the right thing, the better thing. Good.

Between immersing myself in the insanity that is our Gun-Loving Country, attending Town Halls in which my governor talks sweetly to some and condescendingly to others on the same topics of taxes and education, and hearing the troubling plans about the direction in which my town’s schools are heading, I was feeling mighty burnt out last week.

I was trying to figure out what it was I needed from people, especially from myself, to get re-energized, when I read this post about Mr. Rogers.  And I think I now know what is needed. Besides the obvious “We need more people like Fred Rogers,” we just need more people who care about their neighbors. And by neighbors, I mean you. And I mean me. And I definitely mean people you might care about deeply – and those you may not even like.

Basically, I’m hoping that the same idea of “smiling makes you feel happier“ can be applied to “doing Good makes the world better.” Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.” And I think that trying to actually BE more of a helper might adjust an attitude of helplessness, hopelessness, cynicism, disgust. Okay, maybe I don’t *think* so yet, but I sure hope so.

Take a look at this persuasive argument to name Mr. Rogers the Greatest American, and tell me what you think. Can we force qualities of selflessness, integrity, bliss into a loving army of Mr. Rogers clones? Please, let’s at least try.

Sober, but sipping on the yeah write moonshine grid and nibbling at yeah write #101. Check ‘em out!

The Parenting Fail that Wasn’t

Straight off the bus. Gap-toothed joy.

My son lost his third tooth the other day. For what seems like forever (about a month), his two front teeth have been creating a more and more obtuse angle, coming forward a little more each day to buckteeth proportions. Sure, the left tooth was wiggly, but not very much so. We figured it would be a while – another week or two – before he lost one and then the other of his front teeth. He figured out how to bite and chew with the side of his mouth, so really it was just about the waiting.

And then, around 10:30 on Thursday morning I got the call from the school nurse. “No emergency,” she assured me. An emergency hadn’t even registered with me – I thought it was a call about doing regular lice checks or something else equally ignorable. Instead, I was informed that my kindergartener had lost a tooth in physical education thanks to a classmate’s wayward hand and its contact with my son’s mouth. “There was some blood,” the nurse explained. “But he’s fine now.” A pause. “We haven’t been able to find the tooth.”

Oh no! The situation suddenly became serious. The nurse assured me that my newly gap-toothed kid had accepted the explanation that the Tooth Fairy would take the glittery tooth holder presented to my son despite no tooth to save inside it. Crisis averted!

I then asked some peripherally parent-like questions revolving around my son’s well-being, if he was upset, if the tooth came out cleanly…okay, great. Thank you so much for calling. Bye now!

Until the phone was back in its cradle, it didn’t even occur to me that I could have asked to speak to the center of the tooth emergency – my son! In my attempt to seem casual and less of a helicopter parent, I had pushed the most obvious question out of my consciousness – “Can I speak to him?” #FAIL

I needn’t have worried. As he got off the bus later that day, I was not greeted by an anxious, tearful, mourning boy. Instead, my six-year-old practically bounced down the stairs with a “Guess what!” and a grin that showed off his new gap. No trauma, just basking in the fame of having lost a tooth in combat. Best of all, some keen-eyed fourth grader had found the baby tooth in the next physical education class. Sometimes the kids don’t need big people to step in – even by phone – to offer comfort. And for that, the Tooth Fairy will be eternally grateful.

Take a sip of the moonshine that yeah write has this weekend. Calorie-free and good for the soul.

Ticket to Ride

“Buy the Ticket – Take the Ride.”

Is this a more clever way of saying “Just Do It!” or YOLO (which I’ve had to look up more than once to remember what it means). Or is it more along the lines of “You made your bed, not sleep in it”?

Help me out with this. Because my interpretation depends on my mood – which changes often enough to make me wonder what’s what.

This sandwich board often has fun sayings that are changed time to time by the owner of the Pat Gail Gallery.

See more here.

Glad I Saw It: Trunk

This gorgeous tree is in the front yard of a home on a leafy, tree-lined street. The first time I visited the home, I was in such a rush that I didn’t even notice this pillar of strength planted in the middle of the yard. The next time around, I couldn’t stop admiring it. I’m sure the residents of the home were on the verge of calling the police on me.

But look at it! From the sturdy trunk to the elegant roots to the almost symmetrical patterns and grooves in the bark, it’s perfect. I know I often go ga-ga over trees, but come on – aren’t they worth it?

Past tree-love:

Elf House and Ent and The Real Deal and Tree Damage and Leaf Love and Magnolia (1) and Magnolia (2).

Nipples: they won’t actually poke your eye out, you know.

You look Marvelous.

The first hint I had that nipples were on the menu at the Oscars was a tweet that mentioned Anne Hathaway on the red carpet. And when I took a look at mentions of her nipples all over twitter, there was horror and ick! and giggling and jokes about the nipples getting to the red carpet before she did. And the comments were mainly from women – women who are smart and funny and together.

It was confusing because I think nipples are awesome. They can help out with weather forecasts. They are sexy. They are troopers if you choose to breastfeed. And most of all, they are a part of the human (and mammalian) body. Unless you’re Barbie – then they are too raunchy and must be removed and smoothed over.

I am sympathetic to nipple-phobia. When I was teaching high school, I always wore a heavily padded bra despite not needing support for my barely A’s.  The one reason I wore lots of boob padding was to cover up my nipples. Because really, high school students don’t need more distractions – and yes: nipples are distracting. But on the red carpet? With plunging necklines and side-boob and sheer all over and lots of leg? Who cares about pointy, dart-lined nipples? Who cares that the person attached to those nipples had her evening of triumph (she won, right?) overshadowed by silliness about co-presenters getting poked in the eye by her nipples. (It could happen. More than one baby has been poked in the eye by a nipple. I read it on the Internet.)

Shortly after the Nipple Emergency on the Oscars red carpet, there was the Boobs song to open the show. This brought on angry tweets and blog posts about the sexism and poor taste in singing about women’s boobs. It was similar to the outrage when there was live mention of Michael Fassbender’s penis to Michael Fassbender’s face last year during a similar awards show. Oh wait. That wasn’t outrage; it was giggling. But penises are different, right? And also giggling about a member of the US Rowing Team is different. Because they are men and penises are symbols of power. So making jokes and pointing and laughing at a penis is okay. Who cares that there is a person attached to that symbol of power?

Hmmmm. I see her nipples! versus I saw your boobs! versus OMG! He sure looks excited to win!

All I’m hoping for is a little leeway for nipples, especially the erect ones. Basically, if people – real people – can be hurt and offended and scarred and made to feel “less than” (going back to graduate school with that one) by how we talk about their bodies, shouldn’t that apply to everyone? I don’t know – kind of a “lead by example” sort of thing? I guess I’m just a humorless, albeit perky, bundle of objections lately. And I really hate wearing a bra.

{photo source}

Need some low-key reading and relaxation this weekend? Head on over to the yeah write moonshine grid. It’s all good.

Glad I Saw It: Witness

I spent the better part of Thursday in Trenton, NJ to witness the NJ State Assembly vote on 22 gun-related bills. They all passed the Assembly, which was desired and expected and appreciated. Now it’s on to the NJ State Senate – and then hopefully on to Governor Christie’s desk.

And even though I didn’t see much of Trenton, I did manage to find a few architectural gems. Check out this gorgeous face on the inside of a doorway arch in The Kelsey Building on West State Street. The whole archway is gorgeous, but I settled for just this face on this visit.

There are other lovely sites, even just on West State Street. I’m sure I’ll get a chance to visit Trenton a few more times in more temperate weather, so expect to see a bit more of the city.

Another place to find gems of all kinds is the moonshine grid at yeah write. Let your fingers do the walking and get on over there!

Catch February’s Art Exhibit at the Montclair Public Library

Libraries would be divine even if all they did was house books for posterity. But then they also let us take those books (and DVDs and audio books) home, use them for FREE, and then bring them back so we can do it all over again. In Montclair, we’re doubly lucky because we get to visit the Terra Cafe at the Isabel Rose, housed in the library building, for fair trade chai or treats. Another reason to visit the library for more than intellectual or dietary pursuits is to feed your hunger for art. Every month a different exhibit gets the spotlight, and this month it’s a beautiful collection of paintings focused on music. And while you’re there, check out a book and pick up a Terra Bar.

Montclair Public Library hours and information here.